THE CRUMBY LIFE SERIES

TARNISHED

Invented as an alcohol alternative, punch began filling bowls in the 17th century. The lunching ladies of the 1950’s tossed the booze back in, threw in green sherbet balls for presentation and the wedding punch was born. In Amy’s family, only one member holds the ladle to new love – her grandmother and punch bowl matron, MeMa.

Follow the journey of an East Texas, silver plated punch bowl that witnessed 41 weddings over six decades, earning its place next to Elvis shaped butter mints, cornflower blue tuxedoes and toasts from uncles banished so far out to pasture even the black sheep won’t graze with them.   

TALES FROM THE BACK OF THE VAN

As a child, Amy was forced to view the summers of 1970’s and 80’s America from the back window in a blue, wood paneled station wagon. She grows up and leaves road trips in the rear view mirror along with potted meat rest area lunches and rural editions of car bingo.

Then she has kids and is forced to relive the tread and dread of vacations past from the window of a minivan. Amy takes you down the side roads of hell and builds a strong case for why family road trips should be banned in all 50 states.

FOR WHOM THE BELL RINGS

Elementary school is the first block placed on the foundation parents and teachers nurture to build a towering structure of knowledge, socialization and creative thought for future generations. It is also the place where Amy learned putting another girl’s name on her spelling test she didn’t study for can prove successful if your teacher snorts chalk and makes pavement angels in the parking lot during recess.

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Even though she gets a big, red “F” for simply wanting to not raise ass crackers who can't read the microwave instructions on the back of the mac and cheese box, Amy proves you don’t have to be a perfect parent to survive the horrors of the early learning years.